Spare some change.

Rummaging through odds and ends of poems and other writings from the past few years, I ran across a piece I wrote when in a haze–both spiritually and physically. I read and re-read it a couple of times, reflecting on the tone of the writing; and then I found myself wondering if this is how God (can) feel sometimes when we put Him on the back burner in our lives?

When we first fall in love with Christ, we run to Him for everything. He isn’t a second thought and we find the Holy Spirit in everything we touch, see and do. After a few bumps in our lives, however, we can find ourselves displaced. We begin to ignore the importance of a repentant spirit. We usher in doubt, fear and confusion. There He is, ever-constant, wondering just how little our faith truly is.

Be willing to change for God. Be willing to empty yourself of yourself, and fill up with the Holy Spirit.

Empty Pockets (08.12)

I remember when you used to sound so excited while on the phone with me/When did those days pass?/I believe you go through phases of hating me/Genuinely trying to seek another word for it but…that’s what it feels like…palpable and painful/There’s this undercurrent of doubt and yearning and we ebb and flow and I’ve never been one for motion sickness/This is/Ridiculous/Stop. One of us, please/Before another person tries to rationalize what cannot be rationalized/I wish I had something for you/But I’ve got nothing/I mean, I really wish I had some change still on me/But we’ve evolved into who we’re s’posed to be right now/Regardless of how we came to be/I like this thing we’re doing, oh I enjoy it so much/The eye contact we don’t make/The gestures made to show the other that we care/It’s all dutiful at this point/And I don’t care to shake it up/And you don’t care at all so why are we here?/Is it because of the years?/Please say it’s cuz of something more meaningful than that/Cuz time means nothing more than a reminder of what was and what’s left/Look/I’m inside out for you right now/There’s not much accept a few nooks and crannies you’re still not allowed within/But I’m empty…ultimately…can you spare some change this time?

~ Ashley


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